DOUG HEPBURN
SUMS IT
UP!
Original essays, statements and witticisms by Doug
Hepburn.
THERE
ONCE WAS A BOY
GOT HIMSELF A
TOY
MADE OF IRON
AND STEEL AND LEAD
OTHER BOYS
WOULD PLAY
BUT THAT
BOY’D GO AWAY
AND LIFT THAT
TOY OVER HIS HEAD
NOW THE YEARS
WENT BY
BUT I DON’T
KNOW WHY
NOBODY SEEMED
TO UNDERSTAND
WHEN HE’D SAY
THAT SOMEDAY
HE’D BE THE
STRONGEST MAN IN THE LAND
ONE SUMMER’S
DAY
THAT BOY SAILED
AWAY
AND NOBODY
REALLY KNEW
EXCEPT THAT BOY
AND THAT TOY
THAT HE’D
MAKE THAT DREAM COME TRUE
HE HAD JUST ONE
TRY
IT WAS DO OR
DIE
WHERE THAT LONG
HARD ROAD HAD LED
BORN TO WIN
HE STUCK OUT
HIS CHIN
AND HEAVED THAT TOY OVER HIS HEAD
THE HERMIT OF SHARK TOOTH SHOAL
NOW JACOB CAIN
WAS THE HERMIT’S NAME
IN THE DAYS OF
HIS PIOUS YOUTH
ERE HE CAST A
SMIRCH ON THE BAPTIST CHURCH
BY BETRAYING A
GIRL NAMED RUTH
SO HE LEFT HIS
HOME FOR THE HELLTOWN NOME
ON ALASKA’S
ICE RIBBED SHORES
AND HE LEARNED
TO CURSE, AND DRINK, AND WORSE
TILL THE RUM
DRIPPED FROM HIS PORES
OH, TOUGH AS
STEAK WAS YUKON JAKE
HARD BOILED AS
A PICNIC EGG
HE WASHED HIS
SHIRT IN THE KLONDIKE DIRT
AND DRANK HIS
RUM BY THE KEG
FOR FEAR OF
THEIR LIVES
OR BECAUSE OF
THEIR WIVES
HE WAS SHUNNED
BY THE BEST OF HIS PALS
AN OUTCAST HE,
FROM THE COMRADRY
OF ALL BUT WILD
ANIMALS
SO HE BOUGHT
HIM THE WHOLE
OF SHARKTOOTH
SHOAL
A REEF IN THE
BERING SEA
AND HE LIVED BY
HIMSELF ON A SEA LION’S SHELF
IN LONELY
INIQUITY
BUT MILES AWAY
IN KEOKUK, IO
DIDA RUINED
MAIDEN FIGHT
TO REMOVE THE
SMIRCH FROM THE BAPTIST CHURCH
BY BRINGING THE
HEATHEN LIGHT
AND THE ELDERS
DECLARED
THAT ALL WOULD
BE SPARED
IF SHE CARRIED
THE HOLY WORDS
FROM HER KEOKUK
HOME TO THE HELLTOWN NOME
TO SAVE THOSE
SINFUL BIRDS
SO TWO WEEKS
LATER SHE TOOK A FREIGHTER
FOR THAT GOLD
CURSED LAND NEAR THE POLE
BUT HEAVEN
AIN’T MADE
FOR A LASS
THAT’S BETRAYED
SHE WAS WRECKED
OFF SHARK TOOTH SHOAL
HE WAS HUNTING
A SEAL FOR HIS EVENING MEAL
HE HANDLED A
MEAN HARPOON
WHEN HE SAW AT
HIS FEET, NOT SOMETHING TO EAT
BUT A GIRL IN A
FROZEN SWOON
WHOM HE DRAGGED
TO HIS LAIR
BY HER DRIPPING
HAIR
AND HE RUBBED
HER KNEES WITH GIN
TO HIS GREAT
SURPRISE, SHE OPENED HER EYES
AND REVEALED
HIS ORIGINAL SIN
HIS EIGHT
MONTHS BEARD TURNED STIFF AND WEIRD
TILL IT FELT
LIKE A CHESTNUT BURR
AND HE SWORE BY
HIS GIZZARD
AND THE ARTIC
BLIZZARD
THAT HE’D DO
RIGHT BY HER
BUT THE COLD
SWEAT FROZE
ON THE END OF
HER NOSE
TILL IT
GLEAMED LIKE A TEIKLA PEARL
AND THE BRIGHT
HAIR FELL
LIKE A FLAME
FROM HELL
DOWN THE BACK
OF THE GRATEFUL GIRL
BUT A HOPELESS
RAKE WAS YUKON JAKE
THE HERMIT OF
SHARK TOOTH SHOAL
THE DIZZY MAID
HE REBETRAYED
AND WRECKED HER
IMMORTAL SOUL
THEN HE ROWED
HER ASHORE WITH A BROKEN OAR
AND SOLD HER TO
DAN MC’GREW
FOR A HUSKY DOG
AND SOME HOT EGGNOG
AS RASCALS ARE
WONT TO DO
NOW RUTHLESS
RUTH IS A MAID UNCOUTH
WITH SCARLET
CHEEKS AND LIPS
AND SHE SINGS
ROUGH SONGS
TO THE DRUNKEN
THRONGS
THAT COME FROM
THE SEALING SHIPS
FOR A ROUGE
STAINED KISS
FROM THIS
INFAMOUS MISS
THEY WILL GIVE
A SEAL’S SLEEK FUR
OR PERHAPS A
SABLE IF THEY ARE ABLE
IT’S MUCH THE
SAME TO HER
A properly laid out strengthbuilding program is always
subject to mathematical projection, providing of course that there are no
failures in each and every training session. If there should be a failure it is
always due to something outside of your workout period. Excepting, of course,
when you allow yourself to be distracted by others, or whatever, immediately
before of during the exercise repetitions. These distractions must be removed OR
YOUR CONTINUED PROGRESS IS IN JEOPARDY.
EXCERPT:
“ANATOMY OF STRENGTH”
Doug Hepburn file 0472
January 27, 2000
If a person sets up the correct training program,
BEING DRUG FREE, AND FOLLOWING A SAID TRAINING PROGRAM STRICTLY THE POSSIBILITY
OF INJURY IS ELIMINATED Regardless of THE POUNDAGES ELEVATED. The body is not
“the captain of your ship”, your mind is. When you get hurt you get pain.
Pain is the body language screaming “YOU HURT ME”! The pain is there to
prevent the possibility of furthering the injury, even to the point of
crippling, perhaps permanently.
If your training program is “tailor made” for you by a person who has
“made the trip” guiding you each step of the way to your ultimate goal, you
are a winner all the way.
EXCERPT:
“ANATOMY OF STRENGTH”
Doug Hepburn file 0378
February 7, 2000
Most great lifters of the past that I knew seemed to
have the ability to disregard pain. This brings to mind a most extraordinary
example of David Reigert, one of the greatest 198 pounders in history. This
event, which I witnessed, took place at a world championship. Reigert, on his
second attempt with 480 pounds in the clean and jerk, pulled the bar high and
quickly dipped under it. To my amazement, both his ankles buckled and he
collapsed, dropping to the platform, twisting and writhing in intense pain. He
managed to get up un-assisted, staggering with each step. Three doctors rushed
out to assist him. He flung the doctors away like paper dolls, then stumbled to
his dressing room. Five minutes later he returned pulled the bar to his
shoulders and jerked it overhead for a world record. Here is a perfect example
of mind power. THE PAIN WAS SURMOUNTED BECAUSE OF HIS FEAR OF LOOSING!
EXCERPT:
“ANATOMY OF STRENGTH”
Doug Hepburn file 0259
March 24, 2000
DEVELOPING A CHAMPION
ARM WRESTLER
By
Doug Hepburn
To open this article I’m going to start with this highly controversial
approach, which is this: I am absolutely convinced that the resonabally
intelligent arm wrestler, who is stronger than his opponent, will eventually
defeat a weaker man. Think about this: what could the greatest arm wrestler in
the world do to defeat a 600 pound gorilla. Let’s face it. Not only would the
gorilla win, but he could tear off and throw away the arm of his opponent. I am
in a good position to talk this way. I don’t want to offend nor do I wish to
indulge in braggadocio, which I abhor. I could say with some credibility that I
am perhaps the one person in history who developed a level of arm and shoulder
strength comparable to a gorilla. In the lesser sense, of course. In my day, I
was accepted by the world as the heavy weight champion. I was never beaten in
competition, nor did I ever have to fully exert myself to win. I would like to
point one thing out here to the reader, who, I am quite sure, trains with
weights that in my prime I could perform a strict two hand slow curl with 260
pounds! I had the shoulder strength to press a dumbbell overhead weighing 230
pounds in strict style.
I would like to make another very important point. Don’t think for one
minute that I have no respect for technique. However, it is the same old story.
If the stronger man has it all, brains, technique, he will win “there is no
doubt about it”. Nuff said.
However, in a forthcoming continuation of this series on arm wrestling we
will deal, in depth, with the subject of arm wrestling technique. But again be
forewarned, you cannot attain a champions level with technique alone, however
good, without the strength to go with it.
(to
be continued)…
IN MY NEXT FORTHCOMING CONTINUATION I WILL DEAL WITH THE APPLICATION OF A
TRAINING ROUTINE THAT WILL GIVE YOU ULTIMATE ARM WRESTLING POWER.
EXCERPT:
“BUILDING
AN ARM WRESTLING CHAMPION”
Doug
Hepburn file 0024
March
28, 2000
DOUG HEPBURN
ORIGINAL
QUOTATIONS
“An earthy
philosophy gets earthy results”.
“You can fool a stupid man but a really clever man may fool you”.
“My plan for the future, if successful, will enable me (at 80 years
old) to compete and more than hold my own with most young men in their
20’s”.
“An infusion of certain herbs will activate an increased intensity of
your ideation”.
“It is always best, should you have to die, to die for a cause”.
“A mouse never wiggles when it is in the mouth of a cat”.
DAY
A
poem by Doug Hepburn
A robin’s joyous singing it’s song to
dawn’s first light.
A morning star, still clinging to a vestige of
the night.
Soon gray turns into gold as shadows fade and
die.
Dewed petals each unfold as azure fills the
sky.
“If a turkey’s got religion but he’s
lived a life of sin, when we put him in the oven that must be hell to him”.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE FAILINGS OF OLD AGE:
“Accept them and then disregard them”.
THE
WORLD ELITE WEIGHT LIFTING ASSOCIATION DOES NOT RECOGNIZE WORLD RECORDS, OR
OTHERWISE, IN POWER LIFTING OR OLYMPIC LIFTING AFTER 1950 UNTIL THOSE ATHLETES
INVOLVED HAVE UNDERGONE A SERIES OF POLYGRAPH TESTS REGARDING DRUG USAGE AT ANY
POINT IN THEIR LIVES. WE REQUEST THAT ALL ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE FOLLOW OUR
EXAMPLE.
“
EVERY THOUGHT, EVERY ACTIVITY, EVERY FEELING IS ANYLIZED SUBJECTIVELY THEREBY
DERIVING AN OVER RIDING COMPREHENSION OF MY ULTIMATE SELF.”
Doug Hepburn quotation
IN
ORDER TO RESURRECT THE VALIDITY, MORALITY, AND SANCTITY OF STRENGTHBUILDING
WORLDWIDE I AM OBLIGED TO DEFEND MYSELF, AND OTHERS, FROM THE DEFAMATION
INCURRED BY THE ONSLAUGHT OF ILL INFORMED JOURNALISTS, OR “ HACKS “, AS YOU
PREFER, WHO ARE PRESENTLY PERVADING
THE WORLD OF SPORT. REST ASSURED THAT ALL THOSE WHO COME TO MY ATTENTION ARE TO
STAND CORRECTED ON THIS SITE.
Douglas
Ivan Hepburn
ALL
FOLLOWING QUOTATIONS, QUIPS, HUMOR, ETC. ARE THE AUTHORIAL MATERIAL OF DOUG
HEPBURN AND MAY BE UTILIZED ONLY WITH THE PERMISSION OF THE AFORESAID…
“
The only man in this world I would completely trust is the man who doesn’t
have a price and there are very few of those.”
“ Oh, the exhilarating
madness of it all. “
“
Sir, why did you turn to the left? He replied, “ because we are the
only ones that will be left.”
“
A brave man dies but once. Another guy buggers off and doesn’t die at all?”
THIS DITTY IS NOT THE PROPERTY OF DOUG HEPBURN.
“
T’was Christmas Day in the
workhouse
THERE
ARE THOSE “GREATS” THAT DON’T
AN
“ EARTHY “ PHILOSOPHY BEGETS EARTHY RESULTS..
True
Greatness can only be gained by the man who turns from
JUSTIFICATION
FOR FAILURE IS GENERALLY EXPRESSED
Intuition
leads and like a blind man I follow thereby circumventing the
Procedure
is universal in nature and benefits are obtained in all
You
take the high reps and I’ll take the low reps, and I’ll get the medal before
you.
PHILOSOPHER’S CORNER
ORIGINAL ESSAYS, WITTICISMS,
STATEMENTS
AND HUMOR
“
it’s a wealth of knowledge. certainly
W.
C.
L. A., Calif.
DOUG HEPBURN WORLD RESEARCH CENTER
FOR
ADVANCED STRENGTHBUILDING TECHNOLOGY
I
am presently preparing centers in major cities throughout North America
dedicated to the development of a plateau of physical\ mental aptitude beyond
the present norm. Each location additionally equipped with special braking
systems similar to Bulgarian advance design units that provide a new dimension
strengthwise incorporating resistance
so that previous uninfluenced major
muscle areas are subjected to a 20 to 35 percent increase resistance-wise
coupled with a substantially elevated effort expended / strength / muscle mass
development ratio………
ONLY
ONE EXCLUSIVE LOCATION
AVAILABLE
PER CITY
Your
existing location acceptable. Contact Doug via E
mail
“ Man, at this point of his evolution, is incapable of
THE SECRET OF MINDPOWER
THE ULTIMATE STRENGTH BUILDER
How to tap into the universal law underlying
Strength building by Doug Hepburn, the
Strongest Natural Man in modern history.
For further information, contact
Doug
“
THE KEY TO SUCCESS LIES IN THE STRUGGLE
“
MY PLAN FOR THE FUTURE, IF SUCCESSFUL, WILL ENABLE ME, AT THE AGE OF EIGHTY, TO
COMPETE AND HOLD MY OWN WITH MOST YOUNG MEN IN THEIR TWENTIES.”
MUSIC
IS MY MISTRESS BUT SHE LOVES ME MORE
“
A WARRIER PRIEST MUST ENDURE A CONSTANT
“
AN EARLY ENGLISH LEGEND “ JACK THE FISHER “
From a London constabulary file 1870
A POWERLIFTER’S DREAM
Becomes
reality with my lightweight, portable 1500-pound test, squat, deadlift, and
bench press professional, custom built unit that will fit in the trunk of your
car or in a large suitcase that can be assembled in minutes with your bare
hands.
Think of it. Where you go
it goes. Vacations, travelling, hotels, wherever. No longer out of shape because
of the unavailability of training. Your faithful training partner for life!
I personally
designed and train on this, may I say, beautifully constructed unit and it’s a
breeze. Everything is exactly where I want it for loading and adjusting. You
name it, it’s got it. Heck, lets be different. Do your 800 squat with safety
alone in your living room. I’m sure your wife would just love it.
I guarantee
this unit all the way – Providing, of course, that it is respected by the
owner and not abused. This has a double reference as I REFERED TO YOUR TRAINING
ROUTINE, AND THE UNIT ITSELF as I’m sure you know that incorrect training,
whether light or heavy invariably culminates in injury and equipment damage.
My pro
porta powerlifting trainer comes with all safety fittings for squat, bench
press, deadlift, and overhead training, curls, high pulling, etc. You can now
perform the bench press dead stop from the chest safely for extra power. All
units are custom built under my supervision personally autographed by me. A real
“ conversation piece” and “ collector’s item as a limited number will be built.
“
CONCEIVE, BELIEVE, WORK AND ACHIEVE “
“
YOU GOT TO THE RIGHT RACE TRACK BUT YOU’RE ON THE WRONG HORSE !”
“
He was a dreamer, always betwixt and between. Believing that the
“
YOUR BELIEFS REPRESENT A INSTRUMENT YOU MAY
“
THROUGHOUT LIFE YOUR THOUGHTS SHAPE YOUR DESTINY. YOUR LIMITATIONS ARE GOVERNED
BY YOUR THOUGHTS. THOUGHTS PRECEDE ACTION AND HAVE THE POWER TO TRANSFORM ALL
THINGS WITHIN THE PERIMETERS OF TIME, SPACE, AND MATTER.”
TO
INTRODUCE MY INITIAL ARTICLE ON THIS VOLATILE AND PRESSING SUBJECT I OPEN WITH A
BROAD SWEEPING STATEMENT REGARDING THE PHRASE “ HARD GAINER .” Being
lifetime drug free this term somehow just didn’t seem fully expressive to me.
Suddenly it hit me. Why was it then that my strength career was comparably “
easy sailing “ all the way. Strength gains were relatively easy and I enjoyed
every minute of it. Sure, there were a few tough experiences, that’s life I
guess but in those happy days it didn’t put any dints on me or my inherent
good nature. You will note that history points out that most of the “ old
school “ clean “ strongmen were good natured fellows and were not prone to
bullying or bickering this kind of nature, incidentally, had a lot to do with
their great physical power. Mean men rarely rise to the top of the strength
totem pole and the few that did were a “ flash in the pan “ here today and
gone tomorrow.
I realized the vital principle at the tender age of seventeen. At school
I was offtimes the butt of jokes. Names like “ rolly poly “ and “ fatty
arbuckle “ and “ blimp “ and the like were common. I didn’t let this
effect me. I was determined not to sink to their level and took it all
good-naturedly. Let them harm themselves not me. You may think that I am putting
too much emphasis on this single point so, in closing, let me say that the
correct attitude could mean the difference between success or failure.
I maintain that anyone, I mean anyone, can acquire super strength if all
the essential principles are present in an extended regimen of training.
Remember, the term “ regimen of training refers to all activities within, and
without, the actual workout period. As a matter of fact the activities outside
the workout period are of greater importance in the final analysis….
THOSE
USING ARTIFICIAL SUBSTANCES NEVER REALLY GAIN. THEY ALWAYS LOSE IN THE END….
I
imagine that we could now summarize “
hard “ as in hard gainer. In reference to this interpretation of the word “
hard “ it brings to mind a statement made to me by a hard drinker who, after
years of futile attempts to stop finally managed to “ beat the booze “ I
asked him how he did it. A smile crossed his face, “ well, in my attempts to
stop I used the term “ I’m on the wagon “ until one day it hit me when
that little voice inside me said, “ get rid of the wagon “ enough said.
Now
lets get down to the nitty gritty. Most you clean guys are a heck of a lot
better than you think you are. All present day power-lifting and weight-lifting
records have to be reduced at least 35 per cent minimum due to the possibility
of drug ingestion undiscovered subject to extensive polygraph testing and this
should prove negative regarding lifetime drug free world record holders
especially….. Now, simple mathematics will disclose where you really are.
Let’s take a 1000 pound deadlift. Deduct 350 pounds and we have 650 pounds! By
applying this formula utilizing the lifts I performed in the steroid free area,
early 1940 to 1945 still unchallenged you will see that the formula holds true
especially so as my bodyweight was lower than most heavyweights in this day
and age. IN SUMMATION I WISH TO STATE THE FOLLOWING. We presently have a wide
split of opinion world wide in this modern age between THOSE THAT CONDONE THE
PRESENT OVERALL SITUATION OVERLOOKING AND ACCEPTING DRUG USAGE IRREGARDLESS
OF MORALITY AND SANCTITY OF SPORT
Douglas Ivan Hepburn
April
13, 2000
A properly laid out strenghbuilding program is always subject to
mathematical projection, providing of course that there are no failures in each
and every training session. If there should be a failure it is almost always due
to something outside your workout period excepting when you allow yourself to be
distracted by others, or whatever, immediately before or during the exercise
repetitions. These distractions must be removed, or overcome, or your continued
progress is in jeopardy.
If a man’s process of ideation is riddled throughout with blatant contradictions it strongly suggests a subjection to programming
“MY
BELIEFS
TRANSCEND ALL THOSE PRESENTLY EXISTING EXTERNALLY AND REPRESENT THE QUINTESSENCE
OF THOUGHT ITSELF.” Doug
Hepburn,
BEGINNING
AND END ARE THE PRODUCT OF SENSE PERCEPTION AND DO NOT EXIST IN ULTIMATE
REALITY.
Doug Hepburn
WE
USE OUR INTELLECT AS AN INSTRUMENT TO COMPENSATE FOR OUR INDESCRETIONS.
Doug Hepburn
YOU
WILL EVENTUALLY FALL PREY TO THE VERY THING YOU CONDONE.
Doug Hepburn
QUESTION,
HOW DO SOME PEOPLE REACT TO YOUR TEACHINGS?
ANSWER,
IT’S LIKE PLAYING A LOVE SONG IN THE MIDDLE OF A RIOT…
Doug Hepburn
I
CONSTANTLY MISPLACE MY TEACUP THROUGHOUT THE DAY. AT FIRST I WAS ENRAGED AT MY
STUPIDITY UNTIL I REALIZED THAT I HAD DONE IT PURPOSELY AS EACH TIME I FOUND IT
I DERIVED GREAT PLEASURE…
Doug Hepburn
AT
THIS POINT OF MY LIFE, HAVING ACQUIRED WISDOM I
Doug Hepburn
WE
MUST ALL DEDICATE OUR LIVES TO THE TASK OF CONSTRUCTING A WORLD DEVOID OF
PREDATION.
Doug Hepburn
IF
YOU DON’T RECOGNIZE THE FAÇADE YOU THEN BECOME PART OF THE FAÇADE.
Doug Hepburn
MOST
MEN CANNOT BRING THEMSELVES TO BELIEVE ANYTHING BEYOND THE KEN OF THEIR SENSES.
ONLY THE PROFOUND CAN COMPREHEND THE MYSTERY OF LIFE.
Doug Hepburn
“MR.
HEPBURN WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION?” I
AM IN THE CLEANING AND PRESSING BUSINESS.”
Doug Hepburn
THE
WISEST MEN WHO EVER WALKED THIS EARTH HAVE UNANIMOUSLY CONCLUDED THAT ALL HUMANS
ARE THE SLAVES OF THEIR SENSES AND THAT THE SENSES DESIRE NOTHING BUT PHYSICAL
GRATIFICATION. WHATEVER DOUBTS I ENTERTAINED ABOUT THIS HAVE BEEN FOREVER
REMOVED AFTER THE TRIBULATIONS I HAVE FACED THROUGHOUT MY LIFE.
Doug Hepburn
“
YOU DON’T LIKE ME.” “ I have
only the greatest affection for you, it is the workings of your mind that I
despise.”
Doug Hepburn
FROM
A KING TO A CABBAGE
OR
FROM CABBAGES TO KINGS
IT
REALLY MATTERS NAUGHT
IN
THE GREATER SCHEME OF THINGS
Doug Hepburn
A
MAN WHO LIVES IN THIS WORLD AND IS NOT OF IT ABIDES NEITHER HATE OR LOVE.
Doug Hepburn
DOUG
HEPBURN PHILOSOPHIZES
Excerpts from his book
THE ASCENT OF
MAN
There may be
certain events or statements in this book that one may take exception to. It is
my obligation to present myself in entirety,
TAKE
HEED YE POTENTIAL CHAMPIONS!
THERE
IS A TIDE IN THE AFFAIRS OF MEN
IF,
TAKEN AT THE FLOOD LEADS ON TO FORTUNE
OMITTED,
ALL THE VOYAGE OF THEIR LIVES
IS
SPENT IN SHALLOWS AND IN MISERIES
ON
SUCH A TIDE ARE WE NOW AFLOAT
AND
WE MUST TAKE THE CURRENT WHILE IT SERVES
OR FOREVER HOLD OUR PEACE
THE
DIALOGUE
THE
MOVING FINGER WRITES AND HAVING WRIT MOVES ON
NOR
ALL THY PIETY OR WIT
CAN
LURE IT BACK TO CANCEL HALF A LINE
OR ALL THY TEARS WASH OUT A WORD OF IT